DON’T SPOIL ME. I know very well that I shouldn’t have everything that I ask you for. Sometimes, I’m only testing you, so I ask for everything under the sun just to see how far you will go on spoiling me. Don’t be afraid to be strict with me. Actually, I prefer that you are strict with me because it gives me a sense of security. Knowing that you have rules and that I have rules to follow give me a great sense of confidence since u are in control. My teacher told me once that discipline provides a “sanctuary of security” for us when we are growing up. I know that she was right.
DON’T LET ME FORM BAD HABITS. I always don’t know what is good and what is bad, and I have to rely on you to see the bad that I am starting to form and to talk to me about them.
DON’T MAKE ME FEEL “smaller” THAN I AM. It only make me want to behave “big” and stupidly. When you treat me like a little child at all times, I will keep acting like a little child. Treat me as though I were older than I really am and I will try to live up to what you expect of me as an older “person”. It is a challege for me to grow
up.
PLEASE DON’T REPRIMAND ME INFRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE. It makes me ashamed and rebellious. I will pay a lot more attention to you if you talk to me “man-to-man” or woman-to-woman” quietly and reasonably, and in private. Don’t make me always think that my mistakes are sins. Most of the times, they really aren’t. Furthermore, don’t protect me from the aftermath of my mistakes. Sometimes I need to learn my imperfections in the painful manner. If I make mistakes or do something wrong, I have to accept the consequences. It doesn’t help me grow up when you protect and shelter me from my mistakes. Don’t be upset when I say “I hate you”. I really don’t hate you. In fact, it’s the power that you have over me that I hated. However when I think about it, I realized that your control over me is good, simply because you love me.
DON’T PAY TOO MUCH ATTENTION TO MY AILMENTS. I can handle them if u don’t baby me. Sometimes I use these ailments to get the attention that I need from u so much. Please don’t nag at me. If u do, I have to protect myself by pretending that I am deaf and I didn’t hear u. The only way to escape from your nagging is not to pay any attention to u. Then your nagging doesn’t do any good at all.
PLEASE DON’T FORGET THAT I CAN’T ALWAYS EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU THE WAY THAT I WANT TO. I usually don’t have the exact words or experience to explain to u what I am really thinking in a way that is understandable to u. I am an intelligent being, but uninformed. That’s why my explanations seem inadequate sometimes or don’t make any sense to u. It maybe because u are older, more experienced, and more logical than I am. Therefore don’t put me off when I ask questions. That’s the only way that I can figure things out for myself. If u are annoyed or impatient with my questions, I will stop asking about things and won’t talk to u anymore about the things that I think are important. Then I start to seek the information I need elsewhere, and that is not as good as asking you about the things that perplex or worry me.
DON’T BE INCONSISTENT. IT WILL ONLY CONFUSE ME AND LOSE ALL MY TRUST IN YOU. Don’t tell me that my fears and worries are silly. They are terribly real to me, even if they aren’t to u. What I want u to do is listen to me and reassure me, and try to understand what I am saying about my worries and confusions.
DON’T SUGGEST THAT YOU ARE PERFECT, THAT YOU NEVER COMMIT MISTAKES, BECAUSE YOU DO, AND I KNOW THAT YOU DO. It comes as a great shock to me when u keep telling me that u are always right and then I discover that u commit mistakes, too. It makes me surprisingly warm and loving towards you when u apologize with love.
LASTLY, DON’T FORGET HOW QUICKLY I AM GROWING UP. I know it is hard for u, but please try. I know u want to keep me the way I was when I was younger, but that’s not good to either of us. Please keep yourself healthy. I NEED YOU. I LOVE U
From your loving child,
Tags: ailments, child, confuse, forget, growing up, inconsistent, love, parent, relationship
